Day 8

Whereas we start decorating party halls a week in advance, they can’t be bothered with all that fuss overhere. On Saturday morning, I could hear people running around and had a peek through my window. From what I heard the evening before, there was going to be a traditional wedding in the Centre St-Charles.

Preps
They were bringing in chairs, decorations, baskets, ornaments, bamboo-walls, cloths, ribbons. They made an entry with grass, similar to our flower petals. Even the drinks were brought in at the same time. Not nicely sorted out according to brand or type of drink, but randomly sorted in crates. They never cool drinks here bye the way, they’re used to drink beer and sodas warm. All the food had been prepared already as well and was neatly distributed over the dozens of plates. Didn’t matter whether it was still hot or cold by serving time.

In a couple of hours time, the place was neatly decorated and a tent had been put up for the newlyweds. By 10 o’clock, everything was in place to receive family, friends and neighbours. Even I was invited. In Rwanda, everyone is welcome at a wedding, even if you didn’t receive an invitation. There will even be food for you, although I do wonder how they organise the catering.

La Dote
A traditional wedding is organised in various phases. First you have the civil marriage, a couple of days before the actual engagement and La Dote. Next is the church wedding and afterwards they have La Fête or the actual party celebrations.

The most interesting part is La Dote, which goes together with the official engagement. On this occassion, they decide on the dowry, they discuss the conditions of the marriage and the rules of engagement. The elderly finally decide on whether or not to accept this marriage.

A nun starts by blessing the day with a prayer, to which everyone sings. Then the elderly of the family – older brothers or uncles – will start setting ‘the rules’. Nobody was able to tell me what exactly they were discussing, but from what I understood, they sort of got to a financial consesus and highlighted their expectations. To keep it short and simple: they agree on the deal and how both families would benefit from it. After this, the couple is officially engaged.

Then the bride made her entry, protected by four armed guards. A couple of bridesmaids carried the dowry in traditional baskets and presents to welcome their new family. The baskets would contain food, the calabas would contain fresh milk for the celebrations. Of course, many young men would like to have this girl as a wife, so one by one they try their luck. Unfortunately, they are stopped by the guards, who challenge the guy by questioning him and check whether he’d make a good husband or not. If not, they start a combat and chase him away. Only one of them – obviously the groom – will succeed and can make his way to the bride.

When the right man is accepted, the guards put some sort of crown on his head and the bride decorates him with beads round his neck and a similar bracelet. They also exchange the rings which announces the official wedding. Families congratulate eachother, gifts are exchanged and after a toast, people get served with food and more drinks. At the end, two shepherds come and bring the animal(s) that have been agreed upon during the discussions. They didn’t actually bring a real cow, but preformed a symbol entry.

Symbols
By the end of the afternoon I was going to attend La Fête – the party. But as soon as the first guests arrived in the sportshall of ETEKA school, I realised it was yet another wedding! Maman Thérèse, Jean de Dieu and Vedaste are actually also musicians and they take care of the entertaining part of weddings. They were also invited because they sing in some sort of choir together with family of the newlyweds.

The same tradition was carried out, but in a more modern way. The bride was obviously inspired by our white wedding dress and took a walk down the aisle, followed by a group of intorero dancers and singers. After the same procedures, the bride & groom lightened fireworks on the weddingcake and cut the cake together. Everyone was served a piece, which was better than the platter of food which contained a hardboiled egg, one tiny piece of beef and one potato wedge.

Intorero dancers entertained the couple and guests by their energetical dances and loud singing. Some people joined in. Intore means strength and it’s only performed by strong men. It’s deeply rooted in the local culture, but I will get more into detail another time.

Other wedding symbols are the cakes, one for the newlyweds, one for the parents and two to be divided amongst the guests. The cake for the parents were shaped like little huts. The first ‘gifts’ the newlyweds receive are two babies, a boy and a girl, to whish them a fertile marriage. Then the bride gets a maternity crown. This is only given to a woman on the day of her wedding and can only be worn when she has her firstborn. After that, she wears it on every official occasion. Next are imbehe or wooden plates, followed by ingabo, a lance and icumu, a weaponshield to protect the young family. Last but not least is a cow, goat or chickens, depending on the family’s wealth.

'Stoemp'
That’s about how far the party goes. It’s quite short and serious, although there’s plenty of room for jokes and songs. But there is no such thing as a wild party with lots of food and drinks and music all night long. That evening, I ended up at Maman Thérèse’s house with a plate of good old fashioned stoemp (Flemish for mash) which had all the leftovers from that week: red beans, potatoes, carrot, banana, and avocado. Very rich if you ask me. Quite full and tired, I went off to bed, but only after they solved the power outage at the Centre. They had to call someone and buy 'top up credit' to get the place up and running again. It only took 20 minutes to fix it.

Saturday 5th March - Gitarama 27 degrees